“I don’t want my daughter to ever hear a story or see a piece of paper or know that one exists on which I signed her away. I don’t want her to ever think that I didn’t want her. No matter what. I don’t want to leave any evidence she could find later that she might think proves to her the worst things she thinks about herself on a bad day. Not when she’s ten, not when she’s fifteen, not when she’s forty. Maybe I’ll be there to explain it to her, but I can’t know that sure enough right now to plan on it. I want it to feel like fate, the way she ended up with Robin. I want to be in her life like a good dream, like someone who might not always be there but who never really left. Her world should feel full of possibilities and open doors, not full of things that are closed and final.”—From How to Save a Life by Sara Zarr - such a beautiful book.
“Son, there will always be bullies in your life. Some people just don’t know how to act.”
Always? I know this sounds totally stupid, but sometimes I really can’t see the point in living if I will always have to deal with this crap. I know I will have better times in my life, and I might even make myself into someone important, but if the whole time I have to deal with assholes, then what’s the point?
I know if I said this out lout, Aunt Jodi would call an ambulance or something, but instead of shutting me up over it, why can’t they just answer me?
I think it’s because they feel bad for not making it fair. Rather than actually fix it, they freak out on kids who say things like, “I’d rather suck truck fumes than go through one more day of this place.”
Hasn’t anyone said something like that at least once? And really – I would rather suck truck fumes than deal with this sort of shit forever. Mom says that Nader is a loser who will grow up to be a loser and that I’ll understand when I’m forty. But I want to understand now.